Magic the Gathering Drinking Game by Gordon Vader Magic the hammering

I have decided once and for all to enshrine two of my four great loves into one (three if you include hopeless causes which some might argue the other two are) Drinking and Magic The Gathering...

As you may know the two have been pretty inseparable in my life and indeed it was during the epic bender of GP New Orleans where I first discovered my planes-walker 'spark'.

So it is with great pleasure I present....

Gordon Vader's Magical Drinking Game....

Magic the Hammering...

Now being a Magic related game the rules are clearly going to be complicated, confusing and sometimes impossible to understand... but that is, if anything, half the point...

OK So the rules (such as they are...)

before the game commences there will be a number of piles of cards laid out... thinks of these as boosters and it would be a good idea to sleeve them in different colours... (or at least the generals) These cards will fall into different types... e.g. one pile for instants, one for artefacts one for sorceries, one for creatures etc. the most important pile is for your general...

You'll need a general each so I would recommend you have a pool for about 10... Now I'm going to repeat this next bit throughout this post because it's important... DO NOT USE VALUABLE CARDS...

The object of the game is to be the last person who can, without slurring or puking, correctly name his general, his colours, his casting cost, his abilities and if applicable any flavour text... Get it wrong or slur it and your out..(depending on the strength of your livers feel free to reduce them accordingly... i.e. name only etc )

So who should you use as generals?

Well any legend is OK and like life some are gonna be easy and some are gonna suck... so try and pick as many evenly matched ones as possible... for our version we use a whole load from the legends block because they are crap and therefore cheap, complicated and instantly forgettable...

If I said Doran the Siege Tower you'd probably all say.... green-white-black - creatures attack with their asses. (or at least you would if you played round here...)

...however if I said...

Adun Oakenshield  - whatcha gonna do?

Well let's have a look...

So as we can see he's red black green, a 1/2,  he's got a recursion ability and there's some guff from his grimoire in the flavour text... He could be a toughie and best of all he only costs about £0.50 tops... so there you have it the perfect calibre for a general...

Now I know what you're thinking and you're right this game would be impossible if you have to remember all that face down from the start of the game...

So to make it fun (and playable) in your up keep on the first round you can read the info from the card... in your second upkeep you have to read it from the table... and on your third turn... you flip him over at the start of you upkeep...

So how do you play?

Well I and my compadres have collated and created a list of instants, sorceries, creatures enchantments, artefacts and so forth from the world of Magic and given them alternative rules...

We'll get to the them shortly, but firstly the issue of mana...

Mana in magic is usually created by lands and in Magic the Hammering lands also create Mana, only lands in this game are pints of beer, lager or cider... (for simplicity... and feel free to quote this to any whiners amongst you... This is a drinking game, not a dinner party so the rules don't care of you don't like beer or cider you still have to have one... so, no ladies, wine is not an option unless the blokes you are playing with are soft enough to let you play with a spritzer, in which case you've probably already won)

So I have my land/pint how do we play?

Well it's multi-player and every mage for themselves. The object is to get your opponents so mashed they loose the game... So from the piles of instants, sorceries, creatures, artefacts, et all you all pick one... These are your decks  deck size can vary depending on how large your livers are and how important motor function is to you... so sake of the tutorial we'll start with a card of each which should give you six...

Each player then shuffles his/her little deck and draws 3 cards... This is your starting hand,...(each round you'll draw one from the top of your library)

Now like Magic the Gathering, colour is important in this game..

Black is nasty with things coming back to haunt you...

Red is generally quick and aggressive...

Green tramples and is massive...

White may have a healing preventative nature...

Blue is evasive and downright sneaky...

So the game starts with a highest dice roll, arm wrestle or whatever... and the first player casts his first spell at whoever they like... Play continues after clockwise until it's the original player's turn. Every upkeep each player must recite the name and details of their general if they make a mistake they are out...

To Cast a spell you need to drink a finger of alcohol from your land / pint for each symbol on your chosen spell … if it doesn't do much then it should be a couple and no real danger to you... if it's a monster you may have to neck half your beer, but such its the game... Land pints can produce all colours on mana, but like Gemstones Mines and Vivid lands they can run out... when your land runs out go get anther one it's that simple.

What happens then?

Well this is Magic, to a degree so as you know a lot can happen... so let's look at all the out comes....

Firstly what kind of spell was it? If it was an instant... then the effect happens immediately...this means if there is a drink involved the victim has to go to the bar or kitchen or whatever and do the deal then and there...(unless there is a response....)

Let's say it was a stagger-shock – which in Magic the Hammering is a 3 mana instant that says target player drinks a shot of red aftershock (or equivalent nasty shot) and then another one next round...)

So to cast it the player must drink 3 fingers of beer...

OK what about responses.?

Well there could be a number of responses.. Let's say someone counters it... Countering a spell or Magic the Hammering simply means he or she who cast it gets passed it... so if you cast stager-shock into a counter-spell then you have to do the shots yourself... (naturally the person countering must pay the mana from their land/pint... Spells like swerve or fog have obvious effects....

OK what about a sorcery? Well same as instants except you have until your next turn to drink your forfeit and obviously you can't cast sorceries out side your turn...

Creatures? Well in Magic the ~ hammering all creatures are 3/2's, have haste, but no other abilities (apart form a couple of mana producers like Birds of Paradise, but we'll get to them later )... Creatures can attack players for 3 fingers of booze or get in the way of an instant or sorcery in the same way players can use planes-walkers... You can't get an instant past a creature and any instant that targets a player will kill a creature......

Artefacts are many and varied and best explained individually...

It could be A flight bomb... (jager bomb to your opponent's face when you crack it)

An Elixir of Immortality – (a bag of crisps and a pint of water for yo while everyone else drinks 2 fingers...)

A Scourglass – destroy everything on the board except land/pints

Enchantments can protect you or hex your opponents....

Glorious Anthem – spells cost yo one less finger to cast...

Propaganda players have to drink 4 fingers every time they attack or target you...

Mana dudes... There are some mana producers in the game that can give you some help of hindrance depending n how you look at it...

Don't like beer? You may cast a Birds of Paradise – this is a special card an it has a forfeit (as many of the Magic the hammering cards do... )

A Birds of Paradise is an alternative source of mana in the shape of a cocktail (of your choice) however there is a catch... You have to ask the barman/maid for a birds of paradise by name and repeat it until eventually they tell you they don't know what it is.. You may then give them the ingredients to a cocktail of your choice... if they then say at the end “oh you mean a Black Russian!” or whatever cocktail you described, you must also have a tequila...

You are allowed to create your own version of what you think may be in a Birds of Paradise (oh and it has to have an umbrella, umbrellas permitting)

Please write n an let me now how you composed your Birds of Paradise.. if we get a really good one We'll put up some really nice Birds of Paradise as prizes.

Other sources of mana...

Llanowar Elf – gin and tonic

Silver Myr – a White Russian

Stteward of Valeron – An Alcopop

A Plague Myr – an absinthe

All mana dudes are also 3./2

Here's siome suggested Generals..There are like a hundred crap legends out there ofr £0.50 just search gatherer for legend.

Forgive me if there are any expensive cards in this lot.. but you should be able to get a rough idea of what we're talking about... so get your folder out and finder some fodder and we''meet you in Valhalla... Plus if you do decide to play this game please give your player's Gordon Vader's regards and direct them here (and click some banner ads while your at it... This Magic drinking malarkey doesn't come cheap...

So there we have the basic rules

There will now follow a series of cards that we have created of have been suggested please join in with your own editions... but please REMEMBER TO KEEP THEM CHEAP...

So in no particular order...

From – Peter Rodway –

Dark Ritual – one mana - target player gets 3 black sambuca (unfair? Yeah life sucks sets a helmet or a counter spell)

Counterspell - two mana - Drink yer own drink feck face - or counter creature spell

Negate – as above but it will only resolve if you wag your finger as you cast it and say Noo No No!

Swerve – redirect instant or sorcery to some one else

From James Tann

Birds of Paradise – for rules see above... (the umbrella was his idea too)

Marshdrinker - creature 3/2

Stinkdrinker Bandit - creature 3/2

Stinkdrinker daredevi - creature 3/2

remember all creatures are 3/2 so feel free to add any that are funny or seem relevant...


From Nicholas Alexnder

Flight spell bomb - When cracked target player has a jeager bomb

Hydroblast – instant –two mana - target player adds equal parts water or lemonade to drink of choice

Grapeshot -instant - two mana – target player takes a shot of wine (storm* more wine ok? good!)

From the halls of Gordon Vader...

Stagger-shock - See above -

Condemn – instant – one mana - target creature can kiss my hairy ass hits contoller puts it back in their deck and then drinks 3 fingers of their land

Giant Growth – instant – one mana – target shot becomes a double or target player drinks 4 fingers of the their land/pint

Capsize. - instant – one mana (4 fingers for buyback) return target permanent to its owners hands that player drinks 2 fingers...

Propaganda - see above

Glorious Anthem - see above

Honour of the Pure - two mana - enchantment - your creatures get +2 +2 but only if you say Strength and honour and salute every time they attack or block... other wise your opponents creatures get +2+2

Trial and Error – tow mana – instant - you are allowed to make a mistake in naming your general and their abilities or target player must repeat the name and ability of their general

Tragic Slip – instant – 1 mana – target player has to reapeat the name and details of the general belonging to the player to his/her left... if not they have to down their pint...

We have more cards to follow and I'll make a printable list of cards and forfeits soon, but there is enough here to get you going...We will also be offering up some altered art text shifted versions...

So if you decide to play Magic the Hammering please pass it on and direct new players here for new pointless rules and updates and feel free to submit your own ideas for card ideas... we are expecting the ist to grow substantially so keep checking back....

...And finally please click some banner ads cause beer and magic cost money, but clicking on the banners don't cost nuffin.... thanks.... you can also get most of these cards for like pennies from magic madhouse whose ad occurs just above my picture so that's a win win win....

Oh and naturally you buy your own drinks AND supply your own land...